why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
