Your mouth is God's brothel.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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