so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He kissed a someone with a penis
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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