you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
