I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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