there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's official drugs can't kill me
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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