Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I want to be your penis for a week.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
