You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
