420 ftw
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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