Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
