Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
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I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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