i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This toilet bowl is my home.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
