Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
third nipple confirmed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
