He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
