I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
