this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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