I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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