He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize