When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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