Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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