took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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