Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
