so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
