i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
