We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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