My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
