They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
