Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
