I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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