He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
