Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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