i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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