All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
