I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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