dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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