Only a mothe r could love this liver
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
