OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
