I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
