that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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