What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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