3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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