4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
