Need sex. Gaining weight.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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