How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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