So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everything about him screamed your future.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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