You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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