my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
