So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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