went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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