Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
