apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
