You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize