i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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