How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
