Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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