I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
