Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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