watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
