Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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