i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
