it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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