You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
they're like a gay fantastic four
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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